With the sweep of anti-bullying programs around the nation including NFL linebackers, it should come as no surprise that one new bullying target is surfer localism.
“Just as everything I really need to learn, I learned in kindergarten, everything I need to know about surfing localism I can learn from the movie Point Break,” said Morgan Sheekes, Anti-Bullying Campaign director.
“For instance, we don’t want people intimidated because ‘they’re from the valley’ or riding some ‘pig board piece of shit,’” said Sheekes. “We want people to be more like Keanu and less like Patrick Swayze.”
The new program attempts to accomplish a safe zone around all surfing spots by putting up many signs around popular surf spots with anti-bullying slogans including one featuring a picture of Keanu Reeves reading ‘Be Like Johnny Utah.’
“The signs are going to be incredibly effective,” said Sheekes. “Surfers have a long history of strictly adhering to government signs.”
Sheekes has also received confirmation from many lawyers that no one has any proprietary rights for any waves in the ocean.
“The ocean is a dangerous place but it will no longer be dangerous because of anything humans do,” said Sheekes.