On Monday, GOP candidate and real estate mogul Donald Trump was arrested by the FBI on charges of espionage and collusion with the North Korean government.
“Trump has been the most productive North Korean agent of all time,” said Director of the Department of Justice John Albacore.
Trump has been a hot spot garnering media attention for years. He single handedly ended the power and prestige of the Miss America Pageant and any credibility of ABC Television. He also helped further the divide and instigate hate between Mexican immigrants (who he called rapists) and other citizens.
Trump decided to embed himself with the GOP party because of their traditional militaristic stance. He has hurt their party substantially reducing their chances of electoral success in the last two Presidential elections.
Trump maintained his allegiance to North Korea in various subtle forms. Trump’s hair is in homage to Kim Jung Il and Kim Jung Un’s troubled hairstyles. Also, his rampant inability to perceive the truth about anything is very North Korean-esque. And perhaps his most definitive loyalist trait was his boasting of his own prowess despite filing for bankruptcy four times, which is exceedingly similar to North Korea’s own false bragging including a Kim Jung Un perfect game of golf and the Korean soccer team winning the World Cup.
How and why he decided to become a North Korean agent are still being investigated. An initial probe revealed that he was captured during a trip when he was 11 years old. He spent two years in captivity where he was turned and became a double agent returning to the United States to wreak havoc.
“Seems like a bit of idiot to get captured and turned,” commented Senator John McCain.
Trump’s connection with North Korea was discovered when escaped drug king pin El Chapo attempted to use North Korean contacts to kill Trump after his demeaning comments to the Mexican drug lord. The North Korean contacts admitted to El Chapo he was a double agent and U.S. officials in search of the prison escapee came upon this information.
Trump has been labeled a traitor by the Department of Justice, who are pushing for execution by firing squad.
“You’re fired,” said DOJ Director Albacore in his best Trump voice.