No arrests were made after a physical altercation between Catilyn Jenner and Rachel Dolezal erupted Tuesday night at the Standard Hotel in downtown Los Angeles.
The argument started over a People Magazine article of Who Wore It Better.
According to witnesses, Jenner started the argument by referencing the article and saying, “I didn’t know we were both wearing cheetah print. I thought yours was a cow.”
Rachel allegedly responded with, “I’m proud of my curves. Sorry, we can’t all be skinny, little white, anorexic, rich harlots like you,”
What followed were a combination of yelling, racial slurs, and misogynistic remarks that are not fit to print.
It was unclear who threw the first punch as both women were face to face before anarchy ensued. Both women began punching, clawing, and head butting eventually falling into the swimming pool where security were able to separate them.
“At first I thought Caitlyn Jenner would win because deep down she has the strength of an Olympic man. But then I thought that maybe Dolezal had somehow inherited some of the black strength promulgated through hundreds of years of strength breeding by slavery,” said Bill Cosby. “Personally, I’d love to buy both of them a drink.”
Rachel Dolezal is not biologically black but identifies as black, and Caitlyn Jenner is not biologically a woman but she identifies as a woman. Dolezal says she is transracial while Jenner defines herself as transgender.
“I think a lot more was going on than a simple magazine article,” said witness Justin Bieber. “I think perhaps they were conflicted by the differing yet somewhat similar social profiles and media attention. I would imagine that Caitlyn Jenner believes that she was born wanting to be a woman, and it was not a choice. Therefore, she resents any comparisons between her Rachel, whom Caitlyn believes chooses to be black from a deep seeded psychological need to fight oppression. Rachel on the other hand probably senses a bit of hypocrisy from the media. After identifying and having people treat her like a black person for most of her adult life, it seems unfair to dismiss her experiences and what she feels most comfortable as.”
“Personally, I think they’re both strange in that they want to identify with a group that statistically makes less money, experiences higher levels of discrimination, and is generally marginalized by society,” said Paris Hilton.