Following the recent ban by many conservative politicians in France, banning the use of the burkini, Donald Trump has bought four of the five major burkini producers in the world. ‘The American people want a businessman who makes smart decisions. I am making a profit and essentially brokering a peace […]
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Selfie Stick Fight at the Getty Museum
Selfie sticks are now banned at the Getty Museum following an altercation between two men on Saturday. According to witnesses, both men had selfie sticks and engaged in a pseudo-sword fight in the West Pavillion. The ensuing fight damaged many pieces of art resulting in close to $3,000,000 worth of […]
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Israel uses Reverse Psychology to Kill Iran Nuclear Deal
After months and months of denouncing the Iran Nuclear Deal, Israel has finally struck gold by supporting the measure and in doing so making it unfeasible for any Iranian to support. Israel has poured millions of dollars into various propaganda campaigns in Iran over the last three months criticizing the […]
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Children Militants at Toys R Us
Inspired by the Oregon protestors a militant group of children has taken over a Toys R Us.Calling themselves the Naps Are For Babies (NAFB), a group comprised of eight small children ranging in age from 5 to 9 years old stormed into the Toys R Us at La Cienega Plaza […]
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Hasidic Jews Snubbed in Oscar Nominations, Again
For the past 69 years, not a single Hasidic Jew has been nominated for an Oscar, again calling out Hollywood for a lack of diversity and attention to the minority’s cinematic talent. “Everyone says Jews run Hollywood, yet the people who might most accurately resemble Judaism in its true form […]
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Los Angeles Wants Syrian Refugees . . . to Create Food Trucks
The city of Los Angeles submitted a proposal on Tuesday in which they would take up to 10,000 Syrian refugees on the stipulation that when they move here, they are required to create food trucks. The demand for food trucks continues to increase all over Los Angeles, but the ideas […]
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McDonald’s Picks Up Lucrative Contract With Subway’s ‘Jared’
Two days after spokesmodel Jared Fogle ended a twenty-year relationship with Subway due to an alleged child pornography charge, McDonald’s signed Jared to an exclusive five-year contract worth millions. “Jared has many similar qualities that we value here at McDonald’s,” said McDonald’s Vice President Linda Marine at a press conference […]
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Caitlyn Jenner and Rachel Dolezal Get into fight at Standard Hotel
No arrests were made after a physical altercation between Catilyn Jenner and Rachel Dolezal erupted Tuesday night at the Standard Hotel in downtown Los Angeles. The argument started over a People Magazine article of Who Wore It Better. According to witnesses, Jenner started the argument by referencing the article and […]
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LeBron James to Play One Game for L.A. Galaxy
Following LeBron James comment last year that he wanted to play a game in the NFL, L.A. Galaxy coach, Bruce Arena, invited LeBron to play for the soccer team in hopes to boost sales after the three years of substantial decline caused by the retirement of David Beckham. “With the […]
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Race Relations Between Blacks and Whites Completely Resolved Following Nikki Minaj and Taylor Swift Reconciliation
After an intense twitter battle, in which Taylor Swift used the n-word repeatedly, reconciliation between pop stars Nikki Minaj and Taylor Swift has essentially served to end all race conflict in the United States. The argument started earlier this week when Nikki tweeted about the apparent racism in the music […]